It’s OK to Grieve After a Miscarriage

Throughout our lives we experience the loss of loved ones and friends. But there is no greater loss than that of a child. And it doesn’t matter what age that child was, the loss is profound.

If you’ve experienced a pregnancy loss, you are most likely feeling more sadness and grief than you even thought possible. While your body may have healed, your heart will take a while to catch up. It’s important that you allow yourself some time to grieve and feel all your emotions. And you will, at times, feel a rollercoaster of emotions ranging from disbelief to anger to guilt, sadness, depression, and numbness.

You may also experience physical symptoms as a result of this emotional stress. These symptoms can include fatigue, trouble sleeping, difficulty concentrating, loss of appetite, and frequent episodes of crying. The hormonal changes that occur after miscarriage may intensify these symptoms.

The Grieving Process – What to Expect

There are no stages to grief. Many people are familiar with Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross work, where she identified 5 emotional stages that a dying person may go through after being diagnosed with terminal illness. She identified those stages as denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This work has been applied to all grief. The problem with this is that grief is not a linear process and does not happen in stages.

Grief recovery is about making small choices in response to your loss, feeling better, finding meaning for living, being able to enjoy fond memories without them turning into painful memories, acknowledging that it is okay (and valid) to feel sad and to talk about your feelings and experience, and acquiring skills to deal with/process your loss. This is not an easy task and it does require your attention, open-mindedness, willingness, and courage.

It’s important to understand that grieving is process and there is no right way to grieve. You may be triggered by seeing pregnant people or babies. This is okay and nothing is wrong with you. You are grieving your experience.

It is also important to be aware that we all grieve differently. For some women, they may be more expressive about their loss compared to some men who tend to be more proactive (generally speaking). Understand that your husband or partner is grieving, even if you don’t recognize the way in which they grieve.

Your path to healing will be benefitted by both of you being sensitive and respectful of each other’s needs and feelings during this time. Accept your different coping styles and always keep those lines of communication open.

It’s also important that you seek help. If you or a loved one has experienced a miscarriage and are overwhelmed with emotions, you don’t have to go through it alone. Please contact me and let’s discuss how I may be able to help.